I would cover myself in syphilis drenched condoms and walk bare foot through the scorching hot desert lined with emo kids razor blades with nothing to drink but Ron Jeremy's chest sweat just to walk back through the same desert with nothing to drink but the piss of the maid who changed the sheets of your hotel room once.
I'd butter my balls while having my face sat on by Oprah in front of a wild pack of wolves who hadn't eaten in 10 days just to lick the face of a guy who's brother once sniffed a pillow you slept on.
I would sew my eyes shut with a rusty needle while being kicked in the balls by a pack of angry midgets just to snort a line of your 5 year old moldy pubes.
I'd carve a picture perfect Mona Lisa onto my balls with a rusty knife while standing knee dip in the shitter at a curry restaurant while watching a black and white TV positioned upside down playing reruns of "Friends" with the volume too low to hear what they're saying but high enough to know its something really fucking stupid and annoying, all while Justin Beiber is singing baaaaby baaaaaby baaaaaby ooooooh through a megaphone positioned 2cm from my ear canal while gently bumping against